The Ultimate Guide to Surviving a Friendship Breakup

It’s another kind of pain, isn’t it? One that surprises you and has this empty sensation that is difficult to describe. You learn, the world provides a very clear playbook on how to break up with the person you love: there are sad films, breakup songs, and even social customs like breaking up with mutual friends. But a friendship-breaker? It’s usually a quiet, unspoken sadness. There’s no guidebook to take, and you’re left to learn on your own. You’re left questioning whether it’s okay to be so torn apart, or how in the world you will even get the puzzle pieces back together and move forward.

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I’ve been there twice on both sides of a friendship split, and I can tell you from personal experience, it ain’t pretty. The first time around, it was such a silent, unspoken death. We didn’t fight; we just kind of fizzled. I remember trying to analyze where things had gone wrong, reliving conversations in my head, and feeling a huge sense of loss that I felt like I wasn’t allowed to grieve. It’s one that so easily will be dismissed by others, but one that is real nonetheless. This work is your journey through that pain, familiarity with the process, and one towards healing.

Why Breaking Up with a Friend is Hard

The pain of a breakup in a friendship is all-consuming. We learn that only romantic relationship breakups are “real,” and that’s an unhealthy myth. The loss of a close friend can be so much more complicated and lonely because the emotional loss isn’t socially accepted.

Hidden Sadness

A broken-up friendship is, basically, disenfranchised grief. That’s a term used by grief researcher Kenneth Doka to explain a type of mourning that is not socially acknowledged or publicly confirmed. There are no sympathy cards for a passed friend, and it is that absence of social ritual that isolates you in your grief. It’s off the grid, and one that must be fought with.

Feeling Bad About Yourself

A good friendship is not a superficial relationship; it’s a vital component of your sense of self. Your best friends are a mirror, a reflection of a portion of who you are, a sense of belonging so vital to your sense of well-being. A broken bestie bond can leave you wondering who you are without them. This sense of lost identity is one of the main reasons why friendship loss is equally hard to cope with. It’s not a matter of losing someone, but rather losing part of yourself that they knew and loved.

​Different Ways Friendships Break Up

All breakups in friendships are not the same; they follow a different path, and knowing which one you’re following can heal faster.

Type of Breakup	Details
The Gradual Dissipation	Phone calls diminish and become scarce, texts are short, and common experiences are abandoned. This is the most prevalent form of friendship breakup. It’s typically baffling and leaves an individual in limbo, wondering what they did wrong.
The Dramatic Blowout	One special conflict or betrayal unleashes a sudden, possibly irreparable, argument. It stings, but it at least leaves no doubt. A clear boundary is established, and the word comes out.
Growing Apart	People change. Life goals, philosophies, and interests change over time. The relationship does not fail because of one particular incident, but a gradual, natural drifting away. This is a subtle but natural process for a friendship bond to disintegrate.

The Friendship Just Ends Slowly

This is, in my experience, the most difficult type of breakup. It’s a passive-aggressive breakup with no closure, and you just sort of have to wonder and fantasize about things in your own mind. It’s hard to get over a breakup of a friendship when you don’t even know why it happened. The silence is sometimes louder than a fight.

Friendships Naturally End When You Grow Apart

There are certain moments where you just have to realize that a friendship has come to a close. A friend, say a school friend, perhaps won’t be the same to you now that you’re pursuing an entirely different field of work and at a different stage in your life. A car, an older one, took off, and so did your friendship, an unpleasant but real truth. The friendship had to be left behind, and that is something one experiences. According to research, between 70% of intimate friendships and 52% of social networks dissolve after approximately seven years.

You have labeled the kind of breakup, and now it is time to heal. Healing from a friendship breakup takes work; it does not just happen.

How to Heal Emotionally After Loss

The Steps to Feeling Better

As with all other significant losses, grief stages follow a breakup of a friendship. Grief stages are not linear; however, you can move back and forth through them.

Stage of Grief	What It Looks Like in a Friendship Breakup
Denial	“It can’t be happening. We’ll fix it.”
Anger	“How can they treat me this way? It’s not right!”
Bargaining	“Maybe if I just say sorry everything will be all right.”
Depression	A feeling of intense sadness, isolation, and hopelessness.
Acceptance	Realizing that the friendship is finished and starting to heal.

Healthy Ways to Deal with the Sadness

Grief can be addressed and accompanied by healthy coping mechanisms. The bond of friendship lost needs to be recognized and channeled.

• Know Your Feelings: don’t attempt to repress the pain or fear, but express it. Your emotions are normal.
• Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be extremely cathartic. Writing can help make things clear about what happened and put things into perspective.
• Lean on Your Support System: Speak to other friends, family, or a therapist. It is a good idea to be honest with someone and feel a little less alone.
• Take Care of Yourself: Engage in activities that put a smile on your face and keep your energies grounded, such as exercise, meditation, or a creative endeavor.

Taking Care of Yourself with Boundaries

If you’ve got a toxic or ghosting friend, boundaries are in order. That may mean unfollowing and/or muting them on social media, or even a nice “no thanks” when invited to parties that you know they will be attending. Your healing is your top priority.

Handling Social Media Problems

The constant barrage of posts from a former friend on social media is akin to an endless salt in an open wound. I have learned that avoiding a social media diversion from their page is a flat-out necessity to heal. You can mute or unfollow them. The short space will provide your heart with the room it needs to heal.

Healing and Moving On After the Breakup

Moving forward is not forgetting the past; it’s reconciling with it and making space for other relationships.

The Need to Practice Self-Kindness and Forgive

It’s easy to get caught up in a blame war following the breakdown of a friendship. But I believe the most crucial thing to keep in mind is to be as kind and compassionate with yourself as you would with a loved one. The pain you’re experiencing is real, and it’s more than okay to not be okay. Healing is a hard one, and it’s a process, and time will reveal. Forgiveness of yourself and your former friend is a very powerful tool. You’re not saying you’d be excusing what they did, but freeing yourself from wandering around in resentment.

Creating Space for New Relationships

Perhaps one of the worst things to worry about once a bestie bond has been severed is that you will never again have anyone just like them. And it is true, but you will have someone else who will also value your friendship. Be open to meeting new people and having new friendships, but do not force anything. A good friendship, a friendship that will endure, will present itself in its time. It is a great idea to begin by getting involved in a group, be it a sports team or a book club.

The Role of Therapy in Friendship Loss

If you’re really struggling to move on from a breakup of a friendship, you may want to talk with a therapist. A therapist can offer a comfortable environment for your feelings to surface and can assist you in gaining healthy ways to cope. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help.

​Final Thought: This Breakup Helps You Grow

A friendship breakup hurts, certainly. But it’s also something that can be learned from. It’s something to explore about what you require from a friendship and what you bring. You lost something in terms of depth there, but it is something that will help you grow up. Remember that although this chapter is closed, a fresh, and hopefully healthier, one is just opening. You will have new friends, and you will draw on the lessons learned in the years to come.